


Don't Touch Me!

by Kelticmoon



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: All that remains spoilers, Basically Varric and Aveline taking care of Hawke, Depression, Dragon Age Headcanons, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-12 18:10:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18015803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelticmoon/pseuds/Kelticmoon
Summary: Worried about Ororo after the death of her mother, Varric and Aveline check on her.  What they find Varric would die before telling anyone.





	Don't Touch Me!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prompt I was given on tumblr that got really dark, really fast. Its based on my headcanon that Varric completely lied to Cassandra about how Hawke reacted to the death of their mother. 
> 
> CONTENT ADVISORY: THE FOLLOWING ONESHOT DEALS WITH A SENSITIVE SUBJECT: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.

The mansion was silent as a tomb as Varric entered the front hall of the Hawke Estate. It had been a full day and a half since the funeral for Hawke’s mother and Varric hadn’t seen Hawke since. Concerned, Varric decided to check on her. Varric knew from experience that Hawke didn’t handle grief well.

“I should have known you’d be here,” came a voice behind him.

Varric turned and saw Aveline walking up behind him.

“Evening Aveline,” Varric greeted. “I take it I’m not the only one who found the distinct lack of Hawke’s presence concerning.”

“Considering how she was after Carver’s death…” Aveline pointed out, concern evident in her voice.

The pair entered the front room of the Hawke estate. Everything was silent and the house looked empty.

“Where is everyone?” Varric asked looking around the room.

“Looks like Hawke gave Orana the night off and Bodahn took Sandal to see that new play in town,” Aveline stated as she read the note on the table where Bodahn usually stood.

“So Hawke was left alone in a large house that used to belong to her mother’s family while she’s in a vulnerable and potentially self-destructive state?” Varric asked Aveline, concern written on both their faces.

Their concerned only tripled when Blizzard suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs, barking and whimpering frantically. They raced up the stairs after Blizzard down the hall to Hawke’s room. The closer they got to the door, the colder the hall got. The door wouldn’t budge when they tried to open it. It was locked from the other side.

“Stand back!” Aveline commanded.

Varric and Blizzard immediately stepped away from the door and Aveline kicked the door in.

The room was absolutely freezing and there was a thin layer of frost over all of the furniture.

They heard Hawke cry out in surprise from the balcony and ran out onto it. What they saw would chill Varric to the core and rendered Varric speechless.

There was Hawke lying on the floor of the balcony where Blizzard had overwhelmed her. Her shoulder length, straight, black hair was down out of its usual style and she wore a long pale blue sleeping gown. Her dark skin was pale and when she looked up there were dark rings under her red rimmed eyes that made it clear she wasn’t sleeping well. She had clearly been crying. But that wasn’t what got him, it was how close she was to the edge of the balcony. Like the room, the entire balcony was covered in a thin layer of frost.

“Go away!” Hawke yelled at them after Blizzard let her up.

“Hawke…” Aveline said softly as the two of them slowly approached her.

“Just leave me ALONE!” Hawke cried as she sat up.

“Not until you talk to us,” Aveline said as she and Varric moved to help her up.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” she yelled through her tears as she moved away from them and closer to the rail, only to find Blizzard standing between it and her.

“Let us help you Hawke,” Varric told her.

Hawke tried a few more times to get to the balcony’s edge but found her way blocked by either Aveline, Varric, or Blizzard. For a while, they kept her from getting near the balcony rail until she managed to slip past Blizzard and stood next to the railing.

“Don’t do this Hawke!” Varric told her desperately. “Please, talk to us.”

“Why shouldn’t I?!” Hawke cried. “Why shouldn’t I rid the world of one more mage?! You both were there! You saw what that monster did to her! With this cursed magic! The same magic that runs through my veins.”

“Hawke, Quentin was a madman,” Aveline told her calmly. “You are nothing like him.”

“It’s all my fault…” Hawke told them through her tears. “If I’d only been faster or looked out for her better…”

“You did everything you could, Hawke,” Varric told her, taking a tiny step toward her. “You’re a hero. You’ve used your magic to help and protect people. Countless people would be dead or enslaved now if it weren’t for you.”

“What good is my power if I can’t even protect the people I love,” Hawke said bitterly. “I’m not cut out for this… I’m no hero…”

“Hawke, please listen to me…” Varric started. “What happened doesn’t change anything. You are a good person. You are the most selfless person I’ve ever met. Fuck, I’ve seen you shield people with your own body when your mana was too low to cast a barrier. Quentin was a monster like you said, but you are in no way like him.”

Hawke started to cry at that point and Varric took another step toward her as he continued. “In a second rate tale, the hero is someone who is flawless and never fails. But my favorite kind of hero is someone who tries their best; even if they fail a lot. It’s easy to be valiant when you always win and everything goes your way, there’s nothing great in that. I know things are rough right now, but it’ll get better. But you’ve got to hold on in order to see it.”

“But I’m all alone now…” Hawke cried as she legs gave out beneath her. “My entire family is gone now… gone because of me…”

“You’re not alone,”Aveline told her as she and Varric closed the gap.

“We care about you Hawke,” Varric said as he wrapped his arms around the human’s shoulders. “You don’t have to deal with this alone. That’s why we’re here talking you off the edge of a balcony.”

Almost instantly the layer of frost on the balcony starts to disappear as Hawke turned into Varric’s shoulder and began to cry in earnest. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere…” Varric said as he held her tight against his shoulder, Aveline resting her hand on Hawke’s shoulder and Blizzard whimpering pitifully.

After several minutes, Hawke went silent in Varric’s arms. He shifted her in his arms and saw that she was awake but leaning listlessly against Varric.

“You should get some rest, Hawke. You look exhausted,” Aveline suggested.

“I can’t…” Hawke said tiredly. “Everytime I try, I see what that monster did to her…”

“Here let me,” Aveline said as she lifted Hawke with ease and carried the tired mage bridal style over to the large bed in the middle of the room (that by now had completely defrosted). Hawke seemed too tired to complain anymore. Aveline carefully laid the dark skinned woman on the bed as Varric removed his boots and jacket before placing Bianca on the floor beside the bed and climbing onto it next to her. Then he pulled her into his arms and held her just like he did when she’d come to stay with him after Carver died. Aveline sat on the edge of the bed as Blizzard laid down on the foot of it.

When it seemed like Hawke was asleep, Aveline stood up quietly.

“Are you planning to be here awhile?” Aveline whispered. “I need to get back to the barracks.”

Varric just waved Aveline off. “Go on then, I’ll be here,” he whispered back.

“I’ll post extra guards around the Hawke estate with special orders to keep an eye on that balcony. And I’ll talk to someone about fixing Hawke’s door,” Aveline said as she left.

For several minutes Varric lay there with Hawke in his arms in silence. He was pretty sure she wasn’t actually asleep, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to test it.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to…” the woman whispered to him through the darkness. “I don’t want to keep you if there’s someplace else you need to be…”

Varric was almost relieved, even if he knew this wasn’t much of an improvement. If Hawke was starting to apologize and felt like she was burdening him for making him stay to keep an eye on her, it meant her old self was still in there. Unfortunately, it also meant she still felt like she was a burden, something Varric could never seem to shake her of.

“Mafarath’s balls, I don’t,” Varric told her. “Not after that stunt you pulled. Besides, the only thing I’m missing tonight is a Merchant’s Guild meeting. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going anywhere Hawke.”

After a short silence, she said, “Thanks Varric…”

“Anytime Hawke. Anytime.”

A few minutes later Hawke mumbled, “I wonder if I’m going to forget my first name now…”

Varric was a little taken aback by this. “Why would you?”

“Everyone else calls me by my last name. Even Aveline calls me Hawke, and she actually knows my first name. Mother was the last person who called me by my first name… now she’s gone…” she said as she started to fall asleep against Varric. “Am I going to forget the sound of my own name?”

Varric made a sudden realization. “I feel ashamed that I need to ask this after knowing you for three years, but what is your first name?” Varric asked.

“It’s Ororo…” Hawke told him.

“Ororo?” Varric asked. “That’s beautiful.”

Varric felt Hawke smile against him. “My father named me… It’s Rivaini. It means ‘beauty’ or ‘soft, sensitive, delicate’…”

Varric smiled. “It suits you.”

“Thank you…” Hawke mumbled as she finally dozed off.

Varric lay in the darkness of the room and watched over her as she slept, thinking back to her question. He realized that she was right about no one else calling her by her name. The only person who didn’t call her Hawke was Gamlen, and he called her ‘girl’. She’d already lost enough, she didn’t need to lose that too.

Varric brushed a strand of Ororo’s black hair out of her face.

“Good night… Ororo.”

**Author's Note:**

> The reason I love Ororo so much is I created her when my depression was at its worst. She was inspired by Elsa from Frozen and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender. In Ororo's playthrough, she's the most powerful ice mage and healer in Thedas. Her magic is so powerful, she uses an amulet her father had made for her to help her control her magic and at this point in the game, had a staff that suppressed her magic as well (it breaks during her fight with the Arishok).
> 
> In her playthrough, Aveline and Varric were her two best friends. They were both with her on the expedition and were there when she had to kill Carver.


End file.
